Oh, hi! You’re just in time for gifts!
It sure has been a busy year! But don’t worry, that doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten about you guys. So come on, gather in, bring it together, gather ’round, and let’s see what we have under the tree this year. What has Santa wrought upon us!
Ooh! Looks like this one is for Hachi! Come open this thing up, don’t be shy now! We’re starting with the best, no time for last place!
An AWESOME Pizza on an Incredible POUND OF WEED?! Of course, what else would you get for the man with everything? What a treat, dissociate like a champ with our patented blend of oregano and marijuana! We can’t even tell which is which anymore!
So remember the mantra, “You’re not you when you’re sober — or hungry!”
A suspiciously Giz shaped packaged appears! I can’t even contain my excitement.
K-k-kawaii! Finally, a useful gift in this bunch right!? Well, we knew you were wanting to branch out and reach a bigger audience so we all pitched in and got you the fancy 2.0 version with EXTRA jiggle physics (that’s in addition to the regular jiggle! Wow! Commence ta jigglin!’).
Comes with a commemorative bath towel and something called ‘preferred placement’ on the SO Registry! Neat!
This gift is feeling a little… wet? Jeremy, this one has gotta be for you bud!
A new functional animal shaped hat! Let the friendly crab help you to never deal with the pain of reality again! Assists in attracting new crab-minded friends who are also just looking for a good time before getting inevitably cracked-open by life and slathered in the creamy butter sauce of guilt and personal responsibilities.
‘Really keeps you from thinkin’!’
Well, well, well! Looks like Cody was good this year too! Or at least not naughty enough that we managed to notice just yet. But did he get anything good..?
It’s a metaphor! Incredible! Need I say more? Okay, I love you, who’s next!
Sno! Look at that, probably a gift worth shakin’ if I had to guess! Santa must be very impressed with you young man!
Uh.. off-brand Kirby can’t hurt you… i’m not gonna lie, this may be a re-gift but I’d much rather it be in your capable hands than.. anywhere near my house, okay? Besides, you already looked into it’s eyes and the rules were made very clear to me when I was given this thing that– ah, here I am rambling, again sorry! Been trying to work on that for the new year. Anyway, Merry Christmas, and good luck!
And finally we have a little somethin’ for ole Hawk, straight from the depths of the Cosmic Ocean! Who went down there to get it, you ask? Well, I’ll never tell…!
Profit! And Crabs! That’s right, one way or another, the time of the Crab is now! Let’s [crab]attack aggressively!
(This was a much, much longer section but, hey, Merry Christmas, I edited it all down to just this so you don’t have to be all ‘ganbatte’ with tears and stars in you eyes! UH, You’re welcome!)
We may be out of material gifts but we’ll always have the gift, and burden, of friendship.
okay this was too much on me get out of my house now, please
love you jerks